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If you are new to this series of articles this is the fifth in a series that examines the Quranic basis for any Submitter improving their Submission by using the 12 Steps that are used in many self-help groups. The February, March, June and August issues of this year discuss the first eight steps. In this article we look at Steps 9 and 10.
Before we look at Step 9 we need to review Step 8 because they are so closely related. Step 8 is: Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. If you have not read the last article (which discusses Step 8) you will probably find it helpful in understanding Step 9. You can find it online using the following link
In Step 8 we reflect and gather a list of people we have harmed and then reflect further to become willing to make amends to those people, recognizing that we must truly reform from our errors and be ready to offer any restitution that is required to make things right, as long as doing so does not create more chaos and harm more people. We may not be ready to make all of our amends at one time. When we are ready to make the easier ones we might want to consider moving on to Step 9 for those, and work through the list bit by bit until we complete it.
One of the most important aspects of this step for Submitters is the chance it gives us to work on our egos, which we know we need to kill (2:54). The step can be done in many ways such as sending a letter,
making a phone call, or meeting with them, though as the above wording indicates it should be done directly to the people harmed whenever that is possible. Sometimes all that is necessary is a sincere apology and clear statement that one will never again behave in such a manner. Sometimes just apologizing is not enough.
There are verses in the Quran that demonstrate what we are talking about in the story of Moses dealing with his teacher (18:65-78). In our last article we looked at these verses and how they relate to Step 8. They also relate to this step: Moses said that he would obey any command the teacher gave him. However he was not able to meet the teacher’s requirement not to question him. The first time he questioned the teacher he apologized, and they went on. After the second time he did this: [18:76] He said, “If I ask you about anything else, then do not keep me with you. You have seen enough apologies from me.” When Moses objected again his apology was not enough and he had to make amends by leaving the teacher.
Those who work this step may find that people are much more forgiving than expected. Sometimes when restitution is due, as in the paying of an overdue debt or compensating for damage (2:178, 2:237), people will forgive the debt or compensation in part or in full (2:280). However the person working the step needs to be sincere in their intention to make things right with anyone they have harmed. If the restitution seems like a hardship but does not actually hurt anyone it may help to remember that, as mentioned in our last article, we are fighting for our very souls (39:47).
Sometimes the person harmed is no longer living or there is another valid reason for not making amends directly to them. In some cases people have found it helpful to do something symbolic like write a letter to the person, writing out the amends. Alternatively, we can ask someone we trust to “stand in” for the person
and speak with this individual as if they were the person harmed.
Going through this process with everyone who has been harmed can be a very freeing experience. Often it is also a lot of emotional work. Having cleaned up all of our past errors, God willing, we want to do our best to keep things clean. The next step can help in this endeavor.
Taking a personal inventory once a day is a good way to work this step. Some people will do this at night before going to sleep. Others find it easier to combine it with their response to God’s telling us multiple times in the Quran to ask for forgiveness, especially at dawn:
[40:55] Therefore, be patient, for God’s promise is true, and ask forgiveness for your sin, and glorify and praise your Lord night and day.
[47:19] You shall know that: “There is no other god beside God” and ask forgiveness of your sins and the sins of all believing men and women. God is fully aware of your decisions and your ultimate destiny.
[51:18] At dawn, they prayed for forgiveness.
Whatever time of day is chosen, reflecting on ourselves, or in other words taking a personal inventory, is recommended by God (30:8, 59:18).
[30:8] Why do they not reflect on themselves? GOD did not create the heavens and the earth, and everything between them, except for a specific purpose, and for a specific life span. However, most people, with regard to meeting their Lord, are disbelievers.
Step 10 also requires us to promptly admit any errors we find in our self-reflection. God gives us several examples of people admitting they were wrong once they realize their error. For instance, the queen of
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