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In this series of articles we have been examining the Quranic basis for Submitters using the 12 steps, which are used in many self-help groups. Articles in the February, March and June issues of this year discuss the first six steps. In this article we look at the next two steps.
Step 7: Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
We need to recognize that only God can help us overcome our shortcomings. God is the source of righteousness and forgiveness (74:56). At the same time we need to be ready and willing for that to happen. In the Quran God tells us that He does not change anyone’s condition unless they decide to change (13:11). Thus we need to decide to change and ask Him for help: [23:88] Say, “In whose hand is all sovereignty over all things, and He is the only one who can provide help, but needs no help, if you know.” God is the only one that can help us and He reassures us that He is always near and responds to our imploring (40:60, 2:186, 11:61): [40:60] Your Lord says, “Implore Me, and I will respond to you. …” And: [2:186] When My servants ask you about Me, I am always near. I answer their prayers when they pray to Me.
In the Quran God gives us a good example in Moses who specifically asked for God’s help with his shortcomings. He asked for help with his temper and his speech: [20:25-28] He said, “My Lord, cool my temper. And make this matter easy for me. And untie a knot from my tongue. So they can understand my speech.”
As we work the 12 steps we may discover that we have defects of character that are not compatible with what God teaches us in Quran. For instance, God tells us to be truthful (9:119) and equitable (4:9, 4:135, 5:42, 26:182). If we realize that we are not always truthful or equitable or have other character defects,
we should not despair for God is Forgiver, Most Merciful. If we realize that a character defect has caused us to sin we can ask God for forgiveness, repent and ask Him to help us do better: [3:135] If they fall in sin or wrong their souls, they remember GOD and ask forgiveness for their sins—and who forgives the sins except GOD—and they do not persist in sins, knowingly.
There is one more aspect to this step, and that is explained by the words “humbly asked Him”. As in working earlier steps it is important that we kill our egos and implore God with humility. Sometimes when we have been Submitters for a while we come to expect certain things from God. We expect His help, but forget that He may be helping us in a very different way than what we think we need. Therefore, it is good to be patient, realizing that He knows both us and our needs far better than we do.
As an example, if one realizes one is fearful one might say: “Please God I know that only You have any power. Please remove this fear from my heart, I can’t do it by myself.”
Step 8: Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
This step is often a difficult one and may seem frightening. But at this point we just work to make a list of people we have actually harmed in some manner. We don’t need to think yet of doing anything with this list. Often it is helpful to refer back to our fourth step to see what kinds of harm might have been caused, remembering that perhaps the first person we have harmed is ourselves! For in hurting others we have hurt our own souls.
Once we have made our list we need to start examining our willingness to make amends. However, to do that we first need to investigate what “making amends” really means. When we amend the Constitution we make a change to it. The most important amend we can make is to change our own behavior, to reform so we do not make the same error again that caused the harm in the first place.
For this step we need to be willing to truly reform. We are not reforming if we plan on committing the same thing again. Therefore, the absolute intention should be, “I will never do that again” (with God’s help). We do not want to persist in our wrong ways (3:135).
What if we want to reform but know that we are weak in a particular area? Does that mean we are doomed? Absolutely not! God gives us a wonderful example in Moses who was not able to keep his word to his teacher not to question anything he (the teacher) did (18:65-77). First, he questioned the boring of a hole in a boat. He then apologized and renewed his assurance not to question. Then he questioned the killing of the boy, again renewing his commitment not to question. Finally for a third time he could not keep his word and stay silent when the teacher restored the wall. At that point he had to leave the teacher (and the reasons for the teacher’s actions were explained to him). From this story we can see that as humans we are likely to repeat our errors. If we are sincere in our repentance and intention to reform, God will help us to eventually succeed, if it is His will.
If the harm we have done to someone requires restitution or compensation, we need to be willing to make that restitution. This Quranic principle is demonstrated in the scripture with examples including compensating a victim’s family for the death of their loved one (2:178) and the compensation due for breaking an engagement (2:236).
We are fighting for our very souls. We need to be willing to do whatever it takes to cleanse those souls before we die, for: [20:74] Anyone who comes to his Lord guilty will incur Hell, wherein he never dies, nor stays alive. At the same time, we do not want to despair for God is Most Merciful: [39:53] Proclaim: “O My servants who exceeded the limits, never despair of GOD’s mercy. For GOD forgives all sins. He is the Forgiver, Most Merciful.”