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Cont'd from March 2018 Submitters Perspective
How do we make changes by creating habits? There are many ways and suggestions on how to create habits and God willing, I am going to share a model I personally thought looked best. Much of this is taken from the Internet (you should examine what works best for you in accordance with the Quran)
1. Start Small. Change requires work. So, as much as we want to make changes quickly, it may not always be possible. For example, God encourages us to meditate at night (39:9) and eat and drink moderately (7:31). But completely changing your diet overnight and meditating for 20 minutes every day even though you have barely managed to meditate 5 minutes for one night in the past week is a tall order. This requires a tremendous amount of willpower and God’s help. Research on willpower shows that for the average person, if you use it a lot, it gets tired. And when it does, you are likely to regress or quit.
One idea is to start small and work at it.
• Instead of expecting to add a whole hour of meditation or Quran reading per night, start with ten minutes or even five or two minutes. Work your way up.
• Instead of cold turkey switching to a new diet, start by replacing one unhealthy menu choice with a vegetable or a lower calorie option in a meal each day.
• With the goal of being reverent in every Salat, start with one Salat. Then slowly keep asking God’s help and persevering towards your goal.
The idea is to establish a habit behavior first. Then increasing the frequency or intensity with God’s help.
2. Get Hooked on Your Habit. Humans naturally have a harder time giving up something they have invested a lot into. A technique often attributed to comedian Jerry Seinfeld is called “Don’t break the chain”. Each day he accomplished his writing, he would place a big red X on his calendar for that date. Soon, he had a “chain” he didn’t want to break. This neat tactic allows us to make our efforts visible and gives us an added incentive not to break the habit. The longer the chain is on our calendar, the greater the sense of accomplishment, by God’s grace. And consequently, we try harder to preserve the good habit.
You can use a calendar and start “marking” your progress. God willing you’ll keep the chain of good habits strong.
3. Have Clear Intentions. If you’re serious about your new habit, imprecise intentions like “I’ll try to meditate two or three times this week” aren’t enough. According to research, it is in our interests to plan and set aside specific times and places. So, for example, say, “God willing, I will meditate for 10 minutes tonight at 9pm.” That can help you plan your schedule and look forward to the activity.
4. Appreciate Small Achievements. God’s rewards are the best. However, to encourage ourselves, we can use some worldly rewards too. For example, you can tell yourself that if you are reverent during your Night Contact Prayers two days in a row, you can have your favorite ice-cream, God willing. And as you enjoy the treat, appreciate God, who made your achievement possible. Ask His help in keeping up the good work. Each time you do that, there’s positive reinforcement. In turn, God willing you will be able to work towards bigger successes in the future.
Appreciative vs Unappreciative
[14:7] Your Lord has decreed: “The more you thank Me, the more I give you.” But if you turn unappreciative, then My retribution is severe.
5. Make things easy for you. We often go by what’s easy.
So, if you’re working towards eating moderately, then make it easier for yourself to stay away from foods that tempt you. Put those cookies away or out of sight, so it requires effort to get to them. Or if you are working towards reading the Quran before bedtime, keep a copy of the Quran next to your bed. The idea is to make the new habit easier to achieve with God’s help.
6. Carefully choose supportive friends. The Quran reminds us to choose our friends carefully (53:29-30). According to some studies, we adopt goals or learn from the people around us. Similarly, there’s an oft-quoted aphorism which goes, “You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” So, if we’re working towards a righteous habit, but our friends are not supportive or have unhealthy habits, it makes it harder on us. It’s to our own advantage to create a support group that inspires us and encourages us to try again if we fail.
[18:28] You shall force yourself to be with those who worship their Lord day and night, seeking Him alone. Do not turn your eyes away from them, seeking the vanities of this world. Nor shall you obey one whose heart we rendered oblivious to our message; one who pursues his own desires, and whose priorities are confused.
7. Pre-Commit to Your Habit. Imagine it’s 7:00 pm and you’re tired after a long day’s work. Your plans of doing meditation may look shaky as your brain starts rationalizing. “I’m quite tired today. I wonder if I’ll even be able to focus on God when I’m this tired. Maybe I’ll try tomorrow morning after Dawn Prayer. Or perhaps tomorrow evening…” What if, instead, you had promised a friend to meet (either in person or virtually) to read Quran together or even silently meditate and encourage each other? By pre-committing, you may add an extra layer of accountability. This may, God willing, help you push through even when you’re tempted not to.
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