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Hello, I’m a sixteen year girl currently residing in Sydney, Australia and I would like to share my story.
It all started about four years ago when we moved to a new house. My Mum began taking Quran Tafseer (commentary) classes. She had never been very religious most of her life, just average. The women who held this class were extremely “Islamic.” Most wore “niqaab” (a piece of cloth that covers the face except the eye) and practiced many other nonsensical traditions.
Nearly six months after taking the class, she wore an “abaya” (long cloak) and permanently began wearing the headscarf. She also began to worry about my siblings and I, telling us “what will other people say?” If we didn’t pray and stuff, and for me, if I didn’t wear the headscarf. Of course, at a tender age of twelve, I just replied saying when I’m older and thought it was in our religion and therefore I must wear it. No questions, no speculation, just listened and did as I was told.
Eventually, my Mum told me to look up some Islamic websites on the internet. Needless to say, I really didn’t care and just to get it done and over with I quickly typed in Islam in Google. I was hoping to click on the first link, show my Mum and be done with it. I’m not sure how, but my attention was caught by yahoo answers. Someone had asked a question for Islamic websites. I clicked on it and whilst reading it, saw an answer from submission.org. I suppose I was one click away from changing the direction of my life forever!
Article after article and I was hooked. I was so drawn into it. I saw the titles for the mathematical miracle of Quran and the messenger of covenant, but never clicked on them. I suppose, in a way, I began to get my head around the fact that we should be only using the wonderful Quran as our only source of guidance. Still, no one knew of what I thought.
By age 13, I looked deeper into the mathematical miracle of Quran, as I had only ever skimmed it before, but I was amazed nonetheless. I also read about the messenger of covenant, and was at a loss at what to do...because there was no one to talk to, and looking at my Mum and her “religious” friends I thought I was just naive to believe something so revolutionary. But, I kept quiet and thought “I’ll deal with it later” and enjoyed my trip to Pakistan at the end of the year.
At 14, I was still holding firm to the fact that we must only live our life by the Quran. And that’s when little disputes arrived between my Mum and I. I would ask her why we should follow the hadith and sunna, and where does it mention in the Quran that we must do so, and also why I could not “understand” the Quran right now. She tried to answer my questions, but mostly kept saying that if we don’t accept hadith then we’re not Muslims. At this point, I still didn’t know what to do, even though I held firm to the belief we must worship God alone, so I just avoided the subject all together and like any other 14 year old, went out with friends, laughed and did my schoolwork.
At 15 years of age, I think I became a lot more perspective and analytical, and I was beginning to be drawn into the true Islam a lot more. 2011 was a learning year for me in the sense that I was taking into account of everything I had learnt so far from the authorized English Quran on your website. After all, I will not and could not accept anything that has no authentication from the Quran. And it’s how I know I’m worshipping God alone and not just listening to someone because it sounds right, it has to be from God’s point of view. This is also why I read the articles and Submitters Perspective on your website because it is always linked back to the Quran, there are always several verses from the Quran relating to the topic.
Another breakthrough for me that year was that I began to pray. For reasons unknown I did not pray before, although I knew I wanted to because it was good for me.
But there was just something telling me that God would know when I will start praying. So I prayed, and didn’t mention Prophet Mohammad’s name in prayer. I can read Arabic fluently (but have NO idea WHAT I’m saying―strange isn’t it?) and knew Al-Fatiha by heart, and had no problem with reciting that in my prayer. Right now, I try my best to pray 5 times a day, and still trying to wake up earlier for fajr (dawn) prayer, I had no trouble in summer but in winter it’s too cold, but I’m trying. All in all, I learnt a lot that year (and still am) and really began to take it seriously.
Here I am, turning 17 in less than a year, with too many thoughts going through my head. I make contact with God everyday, and I feel better and know God knows best. But I’m so unbelievably lonely because I don’t know who I can talk to or what’s going to happen next, I also noticed that I’m crying a lot too lately.
My parents know I don’t agree with hadith, and tell me to read that in English instead of the Quran! My Mum, at this age, worries why my siblings and I don’t pray...except I do pray every day, in my room, with no piece of cloth on my head. But I’m not praying because of her, I only pray because of God, and if God knows I pray, then it doesn’t matter what any human says, their point is invalid in front of God, Most Gracious.
My Mum has become ever so religious, and asks when I will wear scarf. But I can never wear that because of her, she may be my Mum, but God is first, and it’s as simple as that. What God has not asked from us, should not be practiced for the sake of pleasing others in community or anyone.
There’s another thing too. Marriage. And I have been thinking a lot about this lately. I know about marriage from verses in Quran, and I feel so rejoiced to know that your soulmate is the one who you are in company with in heaven, and it sounds just so beautiful, it really signifies the importance and sacredness of the bond.
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