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The husband should give the dowry to her and not to her family where she may never see it. Nonetheless, this contract is not irrevocable. God forbid, if there are problems in a marriage the Quran recommends stages of a cooling off period (2:226) as well as arbitration by persons that are acceptable to both parties. Every attempt is made to resolve the problem and save the marriage. [4:35] If a couple fears separation, you shall appoint an arbitrator from his family and an arbitrator from her family; if they decide to reconcile, GOD will help them get together. GOD is Omniscient, Cognizant.
However, if there is just no way out and the marriage must be dissolved, then there should be justice tempered with kindness and fair play.
A marriage cannot survive without love and sacrifice for each other.
Marriage: A Divine Institution
[30:20] Among His proofs is that He created you from dust, then you became reproducing humans.
[30:21] Among His proofs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves, in order to have tranquility and contentment with each other, and He placed in your hearts love and care towards your spouses. In this, there are sufficient proofs for people who think.
This is not mere momentary passion but a lifelong relationship which is tender and sensitive. This, in itself, is a sign of God.
Submission covers the topic of forced sex commonly known as marital rape today. This should be condemned not sanctioned. The so called “scholars” opine that once the Nikah is performed and the required dowry is paid, the husband acquires unconditional and absolute rights over his wife for physical intimacy, etc.
The truth is that he can never “own” her body for which God alone is the sole custodian. She is not a piece of property that you pay for and it’s yours. We know that marriage is a contract, and in the Quran it is called a solemn pledge.
Protection for Women
[4:20-21] If you wish to marry another wife, in place of your present wife, and you had given any of them a great deal, you shall not take back anything you had given her. Would you take it fraudulently, maliciously, and sinfully? How could you take it back, after you have been intimate with each other, and they had taken from you a solemn pledge? Contracts take place only by reciprocal agreement. In any contract, there will be certain conditions and the relationship between a man and his wife are termed to be based on love, companionship and harmony.
A family will thrive with both husband and wife working in shared co-operation. Their functions are distinct and obviously each one would do what he or she is suited to do best. Their attitude and temperament should be compatible for a balanced and healthy environment for their children to grow up into and have their personality shaped.
God has not created any hierarchy where men are placed over and above women in stature.
[4:34] The men are made responsible for the women, and GOD has endowed them with certain qualities, and made them the bread earners. But looking at the footnote for that section of the verse, it becomes clearer. Footnote 4:34 This expression simply means that God is appointing the husband as “captain of the ship.” Marriage is like a ship, and the captain runs it after due consultation with his officers. A believing wife readily accepts God’s appointment, without mutiny. Nor does God want us to have competition with one another except in righteousness (23:61). Men have their qualities and so do women (4:32). The relationship should be of equality, mutual agreement and cordiality.
God recognises the position of man and woman to be alike. Righteous works bring about the same reward be it performed by a male or female. [3:195] Their Lord responded to them: “I never fail to reward any worker among you for any work you do,
be you male or female―you are equal to one another. Thus, those who immigrate, and get evicted from their homes, and are persecuted because of Me, and fight and get killed, I will surely remit their sins and admit them into gardens with flowing streams.” Such is the reward from GOD. GOD possesses the ultimate reward.
A question is posed at times: why should men get Hooris in Heaven with no provision for women. Many translators translate the word Hoori differently as fair females with big, beautiful and lustrous eyes, others as pure companions. The answer is in: [44:54] We grant them wonderful spouses. The term is not gender specific and applies to both genders. It is important to keep in mind that the descriptions of heaven are allegorical. Also the verse suggests that each spouse will complement and complete the other.
Women have lost many of the rights that were bestowed by God at the time of Quranic revelation. The clear rules and regulations make so much sense even though it was revealed over 1,400 years ago. We need to create a new awareness of women’s rights and sensibilities. And understand and cherish God’s gift of marriage.
[Our website contains examples of marriage ceremonies for anyone to use when conducting a wedding between submitters. God bless]
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Encourage Marriage to Discourage Immorality
[24:32] You shall encourage those of you who are single to get married. They may marry the righteous among your male and female servants, if they are poor. GOD will enrich them from His grace. GOD is Bounteous, Knower.
[25:54] He is the One who created from water a human being, then made him reproduce through marriage and mating. Your Lord is Omnipotent.